Overnight I slept with the large bedroom windows open and took my chances with possible athletic and agile robbers who may have chanced upon our house last night.
I tossed and turned in the dead heat waking frequently and listening for movement. Our house is like an old wood boat, random timbers creaking at all hours for no apparent reason. I’m a light sleeper and if my ears detect a creak I’m alert within seconds. Immediately I turn up the ears detection levels to the “hear a pin drop” setting and they stay that way until I drift off again.
The lack of a breeze allowed the heat in the room to smother me last night. I awoke several times gasping for breath. I repeatedly tossed my pillow over seeking a cooler side I knew to be there. I threw off the duvet, then the blanket and finally all the sheets. I just lay there in my crappy pyjama’s.
I kept them on because they absorbed sweat and kept the chill from me when eventually, the evening air would cool. The pyjamas were a cheap cotton pair from Pennys I’d been given as a Christmas present many years ago. It was one of their one-size-fits-all products. It made me wonder what species of customer they had in mind for the sleeves were certainly not made for a human being. Perhaps for a gorilla or a baboon? They encompassed my arms and extended far beyond my fingers. I was constantly rolling them up.
The matching dull grey and blue striped trousers completed the look. They trailed on the floor about my feet. I’d tripped over them so often they had holes in the material around my toes and heels. The uncared-for look I was hoping to achieve was achieved when after years of tripping over them, I’d taken a pair of scissors to the legs and chopped off the last eighteen inches. I admit not having cared much about the look at the time. So vicious was the scissor attack that it left two unevenly cut leg-ends that both now end just below the knee.
This morning when I saw myself in the mirror, bare of foot, unshaven, wild untamed hair and the lacerated crappy pyjamas I realised that I had at last achieved my Robinson Crusoe look. It only took record temperature levels and a pandemic to achieve it.